Get inside the mind of one sick animal


‘Falling Skies’ cast talks evil Hal, Anne’s baby, Cochise, more on ‘2nd Watch’ with Wil Wheaton — VIDEO

So, I’ve been watching The Talking Dead for two years but never knew this existed. What the he’ll . . . hosted by Ensign Crusher even.


Sriracha Eff Tee Double-U

Bachin’ It

Left alone for two weeks to my own vices, I have been left to fend for myself at supper (dinner for you weirdoes). Instead of grocery shopping, I have been trying to eat everything left in my house and found a single, freezer burnt chicken breast in a ZipLoc baggie. There was also a super old onion that began to sprout. But what the hell, right?

I diced the onions and sweated them, then threw in the chicken which was also diced. At this point I was depressed that I was just eating chicken and onions, so I went cupboard diving. I threw in a couple heaps of butter spread (didn’t have butter), a splash of Makers Mark©, a good squeeze of the ubiquitous rooster, and some lime juice. I was too hungry to reduce it, so I threw in a bit of flour.

Amazing. With sriracha and bourbon can you expect anything else?

This would have been good over a starch too but I didn’t want to dirty anymore dishes.

Oppa Warcraft Style

Stumbling across this jerk on my Aunt’s Facebook profile while driving to the mall today, I got a little Kluwe-esque while trying to respond to this sparklepony from my phone.

Please, Dear God in Heaven, we need romney to save our country.
  • Christopher Lipsh sure im sure all those people that you do daycare for will be able to have their kids live with you while they are in other countries working.  McRomney has a history of shipping jobs oversea ya know.
    Robert Martens yes kim we need romney to save this country because OBAMA IS OUT TO DESTROE IT!! IF YOU THINK I HEM RONG READ YOUR BIBLE AND STUDEY IT AND SEE WHAT JESUS SEAS ABOUT THE END!!!!
    Huck L. Berry Yeah, if you are going to read your bible you should read ALL of it and realize how much of it is not relevant for today’s times.  I’m not denouncing God or Jesus, I’m just saying if you are going to tout religious beliefs for certain aspects you should do so for all.
    Mahpiya Icahtagya Is your bible full of spelling errors and lacking almost all punctuation. Are you sure you have no clothing that is a cotton-polyester blend? Do you ever trim or shave your beard? How much biblical dogma do you actually follow and how much do you choose to ignore? Perhaps your own writing mistakes reflect the ignorance of your convictions. Maybe you just don’t care enough to take your caps lock off and double check your spelling … and you use that same laissez faire attitude that you type with into your reading, comprehension, and interpretation. My four year old writes in all capital letters and doesn’t quite understand parables or “the moral of the story” yet either. I DID in fact vote for Mitt because his social views aren’t gonna affect me and its not like either of them is gonna get a federal law passed for/against abortion and marriage anyway. It does scare me to believe that someone who is voting solely on their faith and a crazy ‘only literal when/how I choose for it to be’ interpretation of a 2000 year old anthology in which biblical scholars can’t even unanimously separate apocryphal books from canonical. Which testament do we read? What about the gnostic texts? Was this book divinely inspired, was it even written by an apostle, or is it pseudepigrapha? When Jesus returns is he gonna embrace all this ignorant hate mongering and smite anyone who is not wearing sandals?
    Robert Martens MAHPIYA my bible tels me what was what is and what is going to be! and what is, is coming to pass !
    Mahpiya Icahtagya If you could just make two non general references to something the bible predicted AFTER the year 500 I would be impressed.
    Mahpiya Icahtagya If you are assuming Obama is the harbinger of the apocalypse isn’t he supposed to be a polyglot?
    Robert Martens bible, a man should not sleep with another man in the street. now its ok. bible man will turn their face from me & my word.we have taken god & his son out of every thing.
    Mahpiya Icahtagya The first one isn’t a prediction, its use in your argument is just proof your an ignorant bigot. From your Facebook profile picture alone I can see that you are in direct violation of two biblical rules, one of which is in the same paragraph as laying with man. The second one does not in any way represent a total non-generalization.
    Robert Martens check your message i sent you 1 i would love 2 have you phone no, if you like give it to me on message and i will call you ise you are from pembina live their for 25 years and like to have you as a frend
    Mahpiya Icahtagya I don’t want to give my number out to a hate monger spewing misguided religious redereck to me. It is your type of abhorrent attachment to 1st century social norms that 45+ year old Republicans have, trickled down from the RNC leaders, that caused you to lose this election. The fiscal conservatives and the people that feel beat down the last four years have to wait another four years now because YOU think that it is appropriate in this day and age to attach your personal religious beliefs, homophobia and inacceptance included, into your platform.

    If ANYBODY other than older, white, protestant males voted for Mitt, he would have won. The fact that the most important thing to you in our democratic process is to make sure that you inject your religious beliefs into the process disgusts me. We are a democracy, ruled by a president, not men who swear their fealty to King James. How the hell does the fact that John may be dating Mike affect you in ANY way. It doesn’t, and it doesn’t affect this country. However, many years after women’s suffrage and the end of slavery and you STILL don’t understand equality and civil liberties. If your church doesn’t want to marry two gay people or let black people use your water fountain, that is fine by me. I’m sure it won’t bother them either as they probably have found a far better church to attend. However, putting those rules in at any level other than your Klan meetings goes against EVERY thing that America stands for and that’s where I draw the line. I respect others beliefs up to and until they blatantly interfere with others civil rights. You don’t.

    I don’t want to be your friend. I am ashamed that we are affiliated in any way, whether it is by former hometown, citizenship, or species.
    Robert Martens may god bless you!!

Don’t Ever Buy Turkey Brats!

I want to preface this by saying that next to Turkey Bacon, turkey brats are the most horrifying sounding food ever processed. It was through a series of unfortunate events that even led to me stooping low enough to attempt cooking these dreadful devil tubes. My girlfriend had purchased them for some God-forsaken reason where they just sat in our freezer bothering nobody. Catastrophic summer storms which knocked out electricity at my house for two days left them thawed in my house with no other food alternatives .  .  .

I am by no means, a great cook . . . that being said, I can cook a bratwurst; this is NOT a bratwurst. I had cooked three of the six, choked one down and threw the other five away. I eat a lot and I’m not picky, I consider myself a “meat” guy. I love meat. Instead of eating this garbage, I stuffed myself with about fifty new potatoes instead. There are people that exist in this world who I believe can turn this abomination into a delectable entrée. However, these people are surely not the same people that would buy prepackaged fecal sticks from the supermarket. I am so pissed off at turkey in general that I am eating nothing but ham for Thanksgiving this year.

Jew C. Loosey

There is a raging debate in Minneapolis/St. Paul over who has the best Jucy Lucy (or is it Juicy) and who was the first. I have no clue and no opinion other than the Jucy Lucy from Matt’s Bar is absolutely delicious. I’m sure the patrons of the 5-8 Club wouldn’t even think of stepping foot in there though.

What I do know is that I do not have the best one OR the original, but I’ll be damned if that didn’t stop me from creating my own glorious cheese volcano of a sandwich. I think everyone should give it a shot at least once. I took some 80/20 Ground Chuck and seasoned it. I used the Unholy Trinity of salt, pepper, and sriracha. Pound out the patties super thin, put a bunch of cheese in the middle of one, slap the other patty on top and cinch the edges. (I decided not to use the Oxford Comma this time, I will not be consistent.)

There is nothing better than biting into a nice juicy hamburger and then watching molten cheese ooze out of the center. This may have been the most fulfilling moment of my cooking career.

This tasted great and made me feel like I was back towards home, basking in burger glory . . . give it a whirl and put your own spin on it. Try shoving other things inside it, it can only get better right!

A Successful Night Out

This is going to be less of a blog or more of a retelling of events, but nonetheless . . .

As a season ticket holder for the Columbus Blue Jackets with a day off work, we decided that we would make a day out of it and grab a bite to eat before the game. On our way to Columbus, my car decided to act crazy but after pulling over a few times to reset the fault code we made it to town.

Barley’s Ale House No. 1

We considered going to one of our favorite staples, PF Changs or Dirty Frank’s, but a brewery sounded good for me. Having been to Gordon Biersch and ruling out Elevator due to our current budget, we decided on Barley’s over the Columbus Brewing Company. I chose it, because I was intrigued by their “real ale.” Unfortunately, it was not a Friday and we could not experience the Firkin fun. Also, the location of this place is great . . . its at the end of the Short North, just behind the market and short walking distance to the Arena District.Image

I ordered a strong ale called Auld Curiousity, which was delicious. I will go back to this restaurant with my cousin just to enjoy their libations . . . . The old lady and I split a pierogi and sausage plate. We also got some homemade chips with “brew dip.” I though the food was all generally pretty good. The pierogies were good but rather plain. I really enjoyed the sausage, it was charred pretty good but the strong ale and anticipation of bone-crushing hockey brought out the alpha male in the mood for meat and fire. For a dessert we ordered a panna cotta trio. The vanilla and chocolate ones were delicious, the lavender and honey was too flowery and honey-y for me. At this point I decided to go all in and asked for a sampler that was seen going by our table. Asked if I wanted to pick a couple beers or just get a full flight, I obviously decided on the latter . . . thinking I would get six or so beers at a modest price. I was mistaken, eleven 4oz pours were delivered to my table at 75 cents a pop. This would have been a phenomenal idea, had I started with this. After shooting over two pints of beer in order to get done in time we stumbled on toward Nationwide. The food is as expected for a joint of this type, the price is reasonable (our bill was under $50), and the beer was delicious . . .  I will be back. Have I mentioned that our 4 year old hasn’t thrown a fit yet, let alone fussed.

Hockey Game

I love hockey, I’m not going to speak about the team too much here, but get out to a game. Tickets are cheap, you can always get a good deal out front from a scalper too. Anyway, ten minutes into the game and we are already losing to a very bad team . . . this was not looking good. My phone is dying so I can’t keep up on twitter but I get a text message from a friend. Miesha Tate, a women’s MMA champion, posted on twitter that she was at Nationwide. Walking around at intermission, Taysia spotted her and we asked her for a picture. Not only was she happy to oblige, she was nice as hell. Have I mentioned that our 4 year old hasn’t thrown a fit yet . . .Image

As we’re talking to her, the cannon (which you can see behind my right shoulder) goes off and we are now only down 2-1. We walk back to our seats and the team promptly ties the game at 2-2. During the second intermission, we decide to meander down and commandeer some unused seats in the lower bowl. As Taysia is explaining to the lady next to her that we are actually supposed to be sitting up in the rafters our team scored the go ahead goal. Then to completely round out the day, an old man across the aisle almost dies as we score an empty net goal to put the game away! Some fans were calling for a doctor, as me and Branwen were too concerned about waving at Stinger and getting a stick from a player. Apparently, having a major corporate sponsorship with Ohio Health pays off and the man appeared to “walk it off.” Funny side note, the three stars of the game were all named Derrick (just spelled differently).

After the game, we went to the pro-shop and reward Branwen with a mini hockey stick. She then promptly freaked out because she wanted to play with it when she got home. She said that she could NOT play with it on the walk to the car because she didn’t have a puck. Can’t argue with that logic . . . I told her if she was awake when she got home she could do whatever she wanted . . . she wasn’t. She did come into our bedroom, early in the morning, demanding that we find her puck so that she could play with it. In the end we lost, but the night was successful. Earlier today, I tweeted out the picture and a thanks to Miesha and she responded with a heartfelt thanks and a compliment on my “wife’s” hair. Aaaaaaaaaand, my dealership quick fixed my car for free in a couple hours!

I try to support local when possible, and personal when available. After having a good experience at dinner, supporting the local team, and meeting a bad ass athlete with a great attitude; I recommend that everyone who gets a chance to go out and do the same. Check out Barley’s on a Friday, and hit up a Blue Jacket game. Most importantly, come out to Strikeforce on March 3 at Nationwide to see Miesha Tate defend her belt against Ronda Rousey. There will be plenty of other fights on the card and club seats start at under $35!!!


Michelina’s Authentico(r) Stroganoff

Fueled by my passion for stroganoff and a yearning for the taste of the motherland, I could not pass up the opportunity for this cheap ($1) authentic preparation. I have never had authentic stroganoff before, just my grandmothers and my own. I decided to prepare it today for lunch at work.

Traditionally, from what I understand, stroganoff is just mushrooms and onions cooked with beef and sour cream. When I make it, I fry up some onions then add in the beef before stirring in sour cream and some cream of mushroom. I’ll usually serve it over egg noodles and garnish with radish and terragon. I was anxious for some authentic stroganoff this time, and jumped right in.

I was assured by the advertisement on the packaging that there was real sour cream included, and upon browsing the ingredient list I recognized a couple ingredients. There was enriched pasta, beef patty, onion, mushroom, red wine, all accompanied by a string of unrecognizable words in parentheses (disodium insonate and multidextrose sound Russian).


Following the directions to a “T,” I pulled up the corner of the lid and put it in the ‘microwave’ oven for 3.5 minutes. I then took it out, opened the lid and folded all the ingredients (mini lasagna noodles, beef covered in some powdered mixture, and a thin sauce of sorts) together. At this point, it is to be recovered and put back in the microwave for 90 seconds. This was actually quite difficult as the cardboard lid rolled up and wouldn’t fold back down. As any chef will tell you to do with good meat, the directions asked to let it rest for a couple minutes before serving, I didn’t.


My dish did not turn out as well as I had hoped. The noodles were soft and gummy with little flavor, and the ground beef provided little texture. I could taste the quality of meat and if I concentrated hard, I could tell there was sour cream in it. My undistinguished palate was unable to note the other fine ingredients in the meal.

The chef de cuisine, Louigino Poullici, has promised that these are his mothers recipes using only the finest ingredients, and not to be fooled by the low price (its just as good as those that are twice as expensive). I agree at least that this was as good as the two dollar microwave foods.


Was I able to finish it and feel full? Yes and kinda, but I’d just as soon get some spicy chicken nuggets from Wendy’s, they’re delicious. Perhaps my prep errors with the lid or my impatience to not let it rest hurt, but I was very underwhelmed by the “authentic” version of stroganoff. Bottom line, make your own, it’s easy . . . add some sriracha

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